Freaky Friday

To be honest i'm starting this post blind. Not blind drunk, i mean yeah it's halloween but it's still only 11 in the morning. By blind i mean i don't have a clue what i aim to talk about right now. All i know is that with the loss of my old pal Kitzy, i'm lost. When this blog first started i was so jazzed up, we were posting shit all the time, and it was a hell of a good time. But once faced with the task of having to support this page for the most part on my own? Well i floundered, and i still am. Subscriptions have dwindled, comments are at an all time low, and i've had the same nutshot of the day for 3 or 4 days now. (although you gotta admit it's incredible).

So maybe i'll just ramble for a bit and see what comes to mind. I mean no one's fuckin reading this anyways so if anything it'll just be a good writing exercise. Speaking of writing, many of you may wonder, "why the hell did Grimes start a blog in the first place? Does he actually think people want to hear what he has to say?" Well there's a number of reasons, first and foremost Kitzy and I used to facebook back and forth every damn day to avoid the monotany of our daily working lives. It was fun, and somehow a few people here and there picked up on it and woudl check in once in a while to see what kind of filth we were spewing. None more so than Michael Robert Denby. He used to follow the conversation, step in with a comment or two once in a while, and it was like we had a reader. So essentially much of this is for him.

I also have always enjoyed writing but i've been too lazy to really do anything about it. It seems the number one question writers get asked is, "where do you get your ideas?" Now i'm not really even a writer, but if i ever was, for me, no doubt, right before i fall asleep at night. I'd love to write a book one day, not because i want to be famous or anything (i have no urge to be famous, i had my 15 minutes of fame with "Team Eric Grimes" at McGill Carnival), but it's just one of those things in my life i'd like to do. It's on my bucket list. And the way i've been treating my body lately, i should get on it soon. But i digress as usual, whenever i get an idea for anything writing related, it almost always happens at night as i try and fall asleep. I toss. I turn. The idea spins around bumping off the walls of my brain picking up an addition here, a character there, a plot line down yonder. And then i start to worry. "What if it's a good idea and then i can't remember it tomorrow?" I try to put it out of my head but it never works, i just keep tossing and turning and getting tangled in my sheets. Until finally i get up, i turn on the lights. I grab the pen and pad i keep next to my bed, and i scribble a few notes down. A synopsis in it's most basic form. Something that convinces me that if i look at that pad in a couple days, i'll remember whatever the fuck it was i originally though might work. Usually once the light goes off, it comes back on a couple more times before i sleep, as i add a note here and there until i'm satisfied the transcription will reignite my brainstorm.

Now i've only had this happen maybe 5 or 6 times, in the last few years. Pretty rare. I mean i'm not a writer. I'm an engineer, and a damn.......adequate one. So i'm not searching for ideas, but it's just like the saying goes, "you only find things when you're not looking for them." I actually think the saying is worded way better than that, but i'm not a very cunning linguist.

Out of those 5 or 6 ideas i mentioned, i've only ever had one that kind of blew me away. Most of them i really like, i think, "yeah that could really work!" But about a year and a half ago i had one that kept me up for hours. I don't even know how it came about, maybe i was baked, if you heard the idea you'd probably come to the same conclusion. I did the usual write it down, with many lights on lights off moments. And like every other idea, i did nothing about it. But unlike every other idea, it stayed with me. I thought about it alot, and i still do. It's changed and evolved, characters have come and gone, and i know the names of the two central figures.

I never talk about my ideas with anyone, i can't. I have it all mapped out in my head, it sounds cool to me, it works, but the very few times i've tried to explain something, it comes out of my mouth sounding like dogshit. Like a fresh steaming pile on the sidewalk, on a hot summer day. I get embarassed about it. I don't know if i can write well, i don't know if my ideas would translate onto paper, so it's hard to talk about something you have so little confidence in. But i sucked it up and actually talked to a friend about this idea of mine. He loved it, and it was the best thing possible for me. As i explained it new things came to light, i kept adding parts in that i didn't know existed yet, and my buddy gave me a different kind of perspective on the idea that helped me figure out a bit of a storyboard.

So this is long....it's boring....but it's a post, no one can argue that. I want to write this book, i hope that one day i'll get off my fat ass and do it, the idea is there, but apparently the drive isn't present to match it yet. Either way, despite my part timing ways, i love this blog because it's fun for me, i can write all this drivel and then Denby or Blain can come and rip me to shreds for it, and i love it. So do your worst boys, it only fuels the fire!

TV Tuesday!

I know you're all disappointed right now, cause here's an article on Television, but it's not by Kitzy, yes that's right, because that little politicunt is over their in Florida making sure the right man ends up running the country of our closest allies. An honorable mission no doubt so i'll try and fill in for him. Problem is, unlike Kitzy who watches every single horrible show that gets pumped out through network TV, I don't really have that many regular shows that I watch. And no i'm not even trying to claim to be one of those people you come across that says, "I don't even watch TV!" Cause I do. But i usually watch hockey, movies, and reruns of Seinfeld and Two and a Half Men (that Charlie is just incorrigible isn't he!). However there are two shows i watch on a regular basis. Dexter, and Entourage. So right now i'm throwing up the warning bell, if you're not caught up in either show, DING DING DING! SPOILER ALERT! Dont' read on!

Dexter:

Probably the greatest show on television, i can't think of anything that would top it. For those who have never seen Dexter, essentially it revolves around a forensics expert with the Miami P.D., aptly named.....Dexter. Dexter is a serial killer. However his father, who adopted Dexter at a young age, caught on to this early on in his life, (which is explained through numerous flashbacks), and taught his son how to kill, and more importantly who to kill. Using his skills in forensics and police work he tracks down those that deserve to die, but are not in jail, and FUCKS THEIR SHIT UP! Sorry...i really like the show.

This week's episode was an absolute banger! Things are really starting to heat up, Rita is pregnant and Dexter is now faced with the fact that he is going to be a father whether he likes it or not? Can someone who kills for a living really be responsible for another human life? Stay tuned! Not only that, but now Jimmy Smits character, who is just fantastic, knows Dexter's secret! HE KNOWS! And the craziest part is that he's fine with it! The A.D.A. for Miami is well aware that Dexter is killing people and taking out the trash, and approves of it, and is possibly willing to help? Will Dexter accept an accomplice in his actions? He's always been a lone wolf, can he accept help from another? If not what choice does he have? Stay tuned. And Deb, getting a little close to her C.I. it seems, we all know she hasn't had a lot of luck in her lovelife in recent years, is her luck changing? Stay Tuned.



Entourage:
Maybe i'm the only one who feels this way, but the first five episodes of Entourage so far this season....have been kind of shit. I mean each episode is already short enough, 25 minutes or so, so it seems over before it starts most of the time. So at the beginning of this season they decided to....well basically do nothing. Each episode seemed to be an exercise in pointlessness, is that a word? And what was even less encouraging was the fact that I used to like all the characters, i felt they genuinely all fit in to their roles, but that was starting to fade this season. Besides Ari who always seems to be Gold, pun intended, it seemed that Vince was just kind of frustrating, because i'm sorry, if you're going bankrupt, i don't give a fuck who you are, you definitely care. E seemed like this cocky little fuck, Turtle wasn't really doing anything at all, and Drama seemed to be finally becoming slightly played out.

I fell behind a couple episodes but finally got back on track Sunday and caught up. Complete 180! I'm back baby i'm back! Loved it! Love the way the story line was going, finally some action. Probably solely because their was some plot invested in the scripts, the characters came back to life for me. Vince's dilemma with Ari's possible decision to become a studio head. Turtle becoming Drama's personal assistant and then fucking him right over. And Ari taking what looked to be an awkward career decision and spinning it from straw into gold. Loved it. So now Vince has a movie to make, Ari is still his agent, and the show has life again. Considering i only really follow two shows, the fact that both are good again....well i couldn't be happier.



Sidenote: Stay tuned in the following weeks, as Mike Denby will be writing an article about his favorite show, "How I Met Your Mother," which i for one am quite excited for.

Nutshot of the Day

I just wanted to say that i'm not changing the Nutshot of the Day today, and why you ask? Because i want to make sure that everyone out there, the thousands of people who read this blog, i want to make sure they all get a chance to see this nutshot. You can say i'm lazy, but that's not really the case, cause it's really easy to switch it up. I just personally lost it when i saw "Fish Nuts" the first time. I think it's one of the funniest videos i've ever seen. I mean think about what you're seeing! I mean that might be the only time in the history of the world, a fish has flown ten feet out of the water straight into a guy's balls, and it was somehow caught on film! I think the fish had to have done it on purpose, there's really no other explanation for why he (or she i suppose) would launch himself out of the water right at a boat. It was either a suicide attempt gone hilariously wrong, or that fish was swimming around pissed off and decided, "i'm going to fuckin sack this dickweed!" Either way watch it, and then watch it again, it gets better each time.

Halloween!

Ok first off, some apologies, Kitzy and i have both been part timing it as of late with the posts, he has an excuse, mine are weak though. Thursday i was on site all day, friday the internet at my work was down til 3p.m., and then i was too lazy, but we'll try not to let that happen again. My second apology is for the nutshot of the day, it's really hard to single out one video, so if you ever see a string of four videos together like today, then just click on the top one, cause that's the nutshot of the day, the one today is so awesome! FISH NUTS!

So my topic today is simply halloween, i haven't even really decided what about it i want to talk about, so i'm just going to ramble.

First off i just want to say that halloween is probably my favorite party night of the entire year. And yes that puts alot of pressure on poor halloween, but the H-bomb always delivers. You see October 31st is the perfect night because it's almost impossible to not enjoy it. You get together with all your friends for drinks, and everyone is wearing their costumes, some are absolutely terrible, some are brilliant, but no matter what they're always funny. Each time someone new arrives you get the chance to see what type of humiliation they've decided to endure for the evening. And i'm not saying anything new here, but you gotta love how it's a chance for the women of the world to slut it up as much as humanly possible and it's completley expected, and a chance for guys to wear the stupidest shit they can find and the stupider it is, the better.

I will be going as Winnie The Pooh for halloween this year. For the third consecutive year, lame as hell i know, i mean one of the best parts of halloween is coming up with something new and exciting to wear each year. But i gotta say i love the Winnie costume so much. It's warm, it's easy, people always want to take pictures with you and rub your fur, there are so many jokes that can be made because of it, there's pickup lines galore, ("Will you be my honey for this evening, i seem to have forgot mine!") but it has one true downfall. Going pee. And when i drink alot, i often have to pee.....alot. You see Winnie zips up in the back, just above where my ass crack would end. And the zipper goes all the way up into the top of the hood. There's no pockets, and there's no random pee holes in the costume. So that means each time i feel the call of nature, i have to find a stall, unzip the costume which is a task in itself, especially whilst inebriated, and then i pull the costume over my head into the front, slowly roll it down, and then i pee over top of it, i know it's a difficult mental image, and it's even more difficult to perform in person. Last year after i peed i dropped one of the arms and the paw fell in the toilet. True story.

So today i'd like to invite anyone who wishes to relay their favorite halloween story of years past, to do so, either in the form of a comment, or you could simply just ask me for the password and you can write your own little blog. One of my favorite moments would have to be, the year one guy on my street was giving out, not one, not two, but three full sized chocolate bars to each kid that came to his door! I know it's unheard of, you should have seen the kid rumor mill going on that night, anytime you were running door to door to get more loot and you ran into a friend it would be, "man, you'll never believe it, there's a guy giving out 3 full chocolate bars!" "NO WAY!?" "Yeah, head two blocks down that way, hang a right, can't miss it!"

This year we have made quite a controversial decision and decided to try out a boat party! And if it ends up sucking i'm going to take a lot of heat since i was one of the few leading the charge on this one. We are on a huge boat, from 11 p.m. to 2 a.m., 250 people, appetizers, cheap drinks, i'm praying it will rule. The argument raged back and forth on this one.
"It'll be too cold!"
"No it won't, you only go outside if you want to!"
"It'll be expensive!"
"It's only 25 bucks, most parties are at least that much!"
"I don't want to be stuck on a boat all night, we won't be able to go anywhere else!"
"We never go anywhere else anyways!"

Finally after weeks of deliberation we signed up, some people very reluctantly. So it's on, this Friday night, if i blog next Monday, you know i wasn't thrown overboard, if not, call the cops, prime suspect at this point in time will be Stuart Galloway. He was against me from the start.