Freaky Friday

To be honest i'm starting this post blind. Not blind drunk, i mean yeah it's halloween but it's still only 11 in the morning. By blind i mean i don't have a clue what i aim to talk about right now. All i know is that with the loss of my old pal Kitzy, i'm lost. When this blog first started i was so jazzed up, we were posting shit all the time, and it was a hell of a good time. But once faced with the task of having to support this page for the most part on my own? Well i floundered, and i still am. Subscriptions have dwindled, comments are at an all time low, and i've had the same nutshot of the day for 3 or 4 days now. (although you gotta admit it's incredible).

So maybe i'll just ramble for a bit and see what comes to mind. I mean no one's fuckin reading this anyways so if anything it'll just be a good writing exercise. Speaking of writing, many of you may wonder, "why the hell did Grimes start a blog in the first place? Does he actually think people want to hear what he has to say?" Well there's a number of reasons, first and foremost Kitzy and I used to facebook back and forth every damn day to avoid the monotany of our daily working lives. It was fun, and somehow a few people here and there picked up on it and woudl check in once in a while to see what kind of filth we were spewing. None more so than Michael Robert Denby. He used to follow the conversation, step in with a comment or two once in a while, and it was like we had a reader. So essentially much of this is for him.

I also have always enjoyed writing but i've been too lazy to really do anything about it. It seems the number one question writers get asked is, "where do you get your ideas?" Now i'm not really even a writer, but if i ever was, for me, no doubt, right before i fall asleep at night. I'd love to write a book one day, not because i want to be famous or anything (i have no urge to be famous, i had my 15 minutes of fame with "Team Eric Grimes" at McGill Carnival), but it's just one of those things in my life i'd like to do. It's on my bucket list. And the way i've been treating my body lately, i should get on it soon. But i digress as usual, whenever i get an idea for anything writing related, it almost always happens at night as i try and fall asleep. I toss. I turn. The idea spins around bumping off the walls of my brain picking up an addition here, a character there, a plot line down yonder. And then i start to worry. "What if it's a good idea and then i can't remember it tomorrow?" I try to put it out of my head but it never works, i just keep tossing and turning and getting tangled in my sheets. Until finally i get up, i turn on the lights. I grab the pen and pad i keep next to my bed, and i scribble a few notes down. A synopsis in it's most basic form. Something that convinces me that if i look at that pad in a couple days, i'll remember whatever the fuck it was i originally though might work. Usually once the light goes off, it comes back on a couple more times before i sleep, as i add a note here and there until i'm satisfied the transcription will reignite my brainstorm.

Now i've only had this happen maybe 5 or 6 times, in the last few years. Pretty rare. I mean i'm not a writer. I'm an engineer, and a damn.......adequate one. So i'm not searching for ideas, but it's just like the saying goes, "you only find things when you're not looking for them." I actually think the saying is worded way better than that, but i'm not a very cunning linguist.

Out of those 5 or 6 ideas i mentioned, i've only ever had one that kind of blew me away. Most of them i really like, i think, "yeah that could really work!" But about a year and a half ago i had one that kept me up for hours. I don't even know how it came about, maybe i was baked, if you heard the idea you'd probably come to the same conclusion. I did the usual write it down, with many lights on lights off moments. And like every other idea, i did nothing about it. But unlike every other idea, it stayed with me. I thought about it alot, and i still do. It's changed and evolved, characters have come and gone, and i know the names of the two central figures.

I never talk about my ideas with anyone, i can't. I have it all mapped out in my head, it sounds cool to me, it works, but the very few times i've tried to explain something, it comes out of my mouth sounding like dogshit. Like a fresh steaming pile on the sidewalk, on a hot summer day. I get embarassed about it. I don't know if i can write well, i don't know if my ideas would translate onto paper, so it's hard to talk about something you have so little confidence in. But i sucked it up and actually talked to a friend about this idea of mine. He loved it, and it was the best thing possible for me. As i explained it new things came to light, i kept adding parts in that i didn't know existed yet, and my buddy gave me a different kind of perspective on the idea that helped me figure out a bit of a storyboard.

So this is long....it's boring....but it's a post, no one can argue that. I want to write this book, i hope that one day i'll get off my fat ass and do it, the idea is there, but apparently the drive isn't present to match it yet. Either way, despite my part timing ways, i love this blog because it's fun for me, i can write all this drivel and then Denby or Blain can come and rip me to shreds for it, and i love it. So do your worst boys, it only fuels the fire!