Things that are Always Funny!

A few days ago i started thinking about a new post. And then kind of stopped thinking about it. So then today i started thinking about it today, and i thought i'd just list a few things that are always funny. And always will be. Things that will just never really wear off and will always slay me. As always people will comment afterwards saying, "I can't believe you forgot about this! You think this is funny!" And i'll say, "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALRIGHT! I don't know what i'm doing, i don't know where i'm going. My dad just died, we just killed Bambi, and everytime i drive down the road i want to jerk the wheel into a GODDAMN BRIDGE EMBUNKMENT!" Now that we got that out of the way, to the funny things. (P.s. that was a quote from Tommy Boy, my dad is fine and i didn't kill a deer. I also only sometimes want to jerk the wheel into a bridge embunkment.)

Farts: DUH! Obviously number one on the list. Whenever you see a review of a childish movie, typically the ones i enjoy, it's always like, "if you like stupid comedy and fart jokes then you should see this." Well there's a reason fart jokes are used so often, it's cause they're funny. For so many different reasons. Sometimes they're super loud and come out of nowhere and we can all have a good laugh. Sometimes they're silent killers that no one sees coming, and all of a sudden you hear one person scream "OH GOD!" and then the perpetrator immediately starts giggling away. Sometimes the noise they make couldn't be duplicated by any known instrument besides the ass flute. I always remember Dave Denby telling me about his legendary fart that he said sounded like this, "Duuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........POP!" Not sure how that's possible, but i definitely believe it. And of course sounds and smells are good. But what are all young boys fascinated with from an early age? The answer is fire. And the fact that you can actually light a fart on fire. The fact that you can hold a lighter up to your bum, let one rip, and expel a blue flame from your ass? Well that will never not be funny. I'm sorry it just won't.

People Getting Hurt/Falling Down: Shout out to Nina for throwing this in her "Things that are Amazing" comment. Now don't get me wrong, if i see someone get cranked by a car or something, i'm probably not going to laugh, i might even try and help them. But anyone who says they don't laugh when they see someone get their bike tire caught in a street car track is a liar. I think i could sit on youtube all day and watch videos of people hilariously getting rocked. Which is why i think someone should follow Mike Denby around with a video camera. For some reason he always sees these things happen. Things that happened years ago involving friends getting hurt still make me laugh. Like when Colin tried to jump the sign in Daytona and caught his feet. Or Favre becoming a delicous oven baked human pretzel in Grade 8. Judge all you want, but i dare you to watch "Grape Stomping Lady" on youtube and not laugh. Her little dance right before she tries to step out of the bucket. Her fall. Her strange sounding groans on the ground. And of course when they send it back to the newsroom, and you get the reactions of her coworkers in the studio.

Spit Takes: Wouldn't have remembered this one if it wasn't for Kitzy. But truly there is nothing better than when you're hanging out with your buddies, in pretty much any situation, someone's taking a big sip of their drink, and they either slightly choke, or someone kills them with a zinger at just the right moment, and then, "Ptttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhbbbbbbbbbbbbbttttttttth!!" There drink is no longer in their mouth, and it's usually covering someone else. My most famous spit take occurred at one of Matt Taylor's famous backyard BBQ's in O.A.C. I piled a whole bunch of ritz crackers in my mouth, and was trying to chew them. (Speaking of which, putting way too many crackers in your mouth should be on this list) Anyways so the novelty of the joke wore off, and i just wanted to swallow those delicious crackers. So i took a sig ol' bwig of a beer, and uh oh....started to choke. Now i partially blame those around me for not recognizing the enormity of the situation. Mouth full of crackers and beer....sure just stand there and enjoy you turdburglars. So yeah, Mount Grimesius exploded and sprayed a couple shirtless people (it was a pool party!) with ritz cracker mush all over them. Wouldn't trade that memory for anything in the world.

Other things that might only be funny to me, Mike Denby and the wonderful world of brown town. Julien Favre and his abo impressions, "WHAAAAA? COME HERE!!!!!" Derek Mumford getting far too excited over an amazing joke he's about to drop, and stuttering as he says it, resulting in us laughing way harder than we probably would have at the actual joke. Dave Palmer baking pound cake since 2006. Alex Kitz saying "beep beep boop beep boop". Colin Pearson making a joke involving anyone's mom or sister. Conor Bell becoming super agro when he gets way too hammed and ripping random people on the street. Dillon Casey pretending to jam a samurai sword through his own stomach. And plenty more.

Funny things are funny, so tell me something that always takes you down!