Books that fill your pants with shit!

Today i'm going to discuss a topic very near and dear to my heart that i sometimes take flak over. Scary books. Horror novels. Whatever you want to call them, i love 'em. And it's always the same sort of reaction you get from people when they ask you what you're reading. "What book are you reading right now?" "Oh well i'm reading "IT" by Stephen King." Then their faces sort of show slight shock and maybe even a little fear and they find a way to get rid of me. WELL FUCK YOU! I mean what is this stigma attached to horror novels? Why is it that the crazy old abo Julien Favre can be completely obsessed with the Saw series of movies and no one bats an eyelash, but i mention that i like Stephen King books and people seem to think i'm going to cut their faces off and wear them as masks? I mean i can pretty much guarantee you that people that have read "Catcher in the Rye", have killed a hell of alot more fellow human beings, than those that have read "Cujo".

The beauty of a horror novel is the fact that the writer can actually scare you by using your own imagination against you. He has to be able to make you see what he sees in your head, and doesn't have the ability to rely on shocking your system with a quick scene change to a guy in a mask holding a knife. He has to be able to rely on a slow buildup. He has to be able to set the mood and accurately describe the environment in which the action is taking place. He has to describe every detail vividly without going overboard and losing his grip on your suspense. Not an easy task. Horror novels are also quite different from their movie counterparts. You're not really going to be able to read a book and all of a sudden scream or throw the book against the wall.

Now i'm not trying to knock horror movies in anyway. While i may not see Saw V opening day like Favre, i do enjoy the occasional horror flick. Jaws is one of my favorite movies of all time. I saw the movie Scream on my birthday back in the day and thought it was entertaining as hell. And even movies short on plot and high on gore can be a good time just to see what the hell new ways a director will come up with to knock people off. (Re: Turistas, Hostel)

So now i'm going to give a few suggestions to people for books to read if they enjoy horror novels, or have never really tried reading one. This isn't to seem like a pompous asshole, they're just books i loved. First off is the one i'm re-reading right now, which is "IT" by Stephen King. I read this book probably ten years ago and didnt' remember much of anything about it since my brain is mostly full of malted hops and bong resin. (Tommy Boy) And i gotta say....wow....just so good. Probably his best. I mean in terms of fear factor how can you really go wrong with a demonic clown named Pennywise? The book takes place, as all his books do, in Maine. You follow a closeknit band of "losers" at two different time periods. When they're 11 and meet Pennywise for the first time. And again when they are in their late 30's and have returned to face him once again. The book regularly flips back and forth from each of the two eras and does not focus on a singular main character, but rather each member of the group in turns. It's a long book, 1078 pages to be exact, small type too. But well worth it.

Another beauty which i've read countless times is also by Stephen King writing under his pen name of "Richard Bachman", and is called "The Long Walk". One of the main reasons i loved this book is for the mystery involved in it. You're never quite sure what year it is exactly, or why what's taking place is happening, and even more importantly why it's accepted. It's almost as if you are being lead to believe that you are already living in this world and know what it's all about. I know that sounds strange. Basically the book starts with a group of 50 kids that have all received "the invitation" in the mail. They have all showed up, because you are lead to believe that being invited to the long walk is a huge honor. It is the most prestigious event in the country every year and is lead by a man known only as "The Major". I personally picture him as Sargeant Slaughter. The mystery of just what the hell is going on is what leads you into the book. Soon you realize that these fifty kids are going to take part in a yearly competition known as "The Long Walk". The rules are simple, they start to walk, and they keep walking. They have to maintain a certain pace which is closely monitored. If they fall below the pace they receive a warning. If you get three warnings....BLAMO! Last one left is the winner and receives the ultimate prize which is constantly hinted at but never explained. It's not an unbelievably clever book, but it's high on entertainment and is one of those books that you end up flying through. For the most part it takes place in the head of one of the walkers and it is interesting to see how King delves into his emotions as the race continues. Either way it's awesome, check it out!

I realize this is too long already so i won't give long descriptions of any others. However other great scary books include Firestarter by Stephen King obviously. About a little girl with incredible mental powers. The Historian by a girl i can't remember about Dracula and him being alive in present times. And Different Seasons by Stephen King, which is 4 short novelettes in one book. 3 of the four novelettes were made into movies, and you know them as "The Shawshank Redemption", "Apt Pupil", and "Stand by Me".

That concludes my little chat on horror novels, i'll understand if you avoid me next time i see you.