Awesome

Every Monday deserves something awesome, mostly because every Monday usually just screws you over instead. Like today, I went and had a delicious lunch with two upstanding young men: Eric Wendy Grimes and Colin Queerson Pearson. I saw them standing in line at the Taco Bell (note: those are awesome song lyrics - Make Your Exit, you can have them, but I want "special thanks to..." credit on the next album) so I sauntered on over, and unsure of what to get just said to the lady, "I'll have what he's having."

Well maybe Pearson's stomach has become bullet-proof from way too many extreme munchies over the years ("Pearson, do you really need to put Frank's Red Hot on pickles and ice cream?") but lordy day, has mine ever not. The #1 Meal went through me like a laser beam. #1 when I ordered it, #1 when it came out. I was screaming "AHHHHH!!" like Stallone running away from an exploding building. To quoth Grandma's Boy, "I have to pee." "Why don't you pee in the bushes?" "I have to pee out of my ass..." It was terrible. I did the penguin walk all the way from Blue Jays Way to my office holding me breath. 

But the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. So when I lost my dignity I was awarded this, the new redband trailer for Observe and Report, the blatant although clearly highly superior rip-off of beloved American icon Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Behold (warning, NSFW):