The Monday Screw

So i'm sitting here at my desk, facing the hell of another Monday afternoon, and thinking about how bad Monday always screws me over. I mean no matter how hard I try, and how cliche it is, I just truly always hate monday so much. I didn't have a bad weekend or anything, a pretty fun one actually. And the Bills are playing tonight so that should be fun. But still Monday just always hits me like a sack of dirt from a fifth floor window. So in honor of the day that is Monday, let's look back on some awesome screws laid down by myself, on myself, or from one friend to another.

First let's have a look at rather ligthhearted awesome screw by Michael Robert Denby on me today. Michael has a lady friend, she's a very nice girl and they get along quite well. She had a friend at Mike's party on Friday. I thought the friend was quite cute too, however i didn't quite get the opportunity to talk to her, maybe out of fear, or maybe because the amount of alcohol in my veins exceeded the amount of blood. So anyways i shared this information with Mike, and he decided to share it with his lady friend with instructions to pass it on down the line to the girl in question. Did i ask him to do exactly that? Hmm.....i might have, but still. It's reminiscent of a screw i laid down on Mike way back in the day. He had a thing for Sara Spudowski, a very cute girl in our grade. So Mike asked me to call her and tell her. So in front of him, on his home phone, i did just that. "Hey Sara....it's Eric. Eric Grimes. No not him that's Eric Hoibak. Grimes. I'm in your English class. Uhh.....yeah that's right....the one that looks like he's 8 years old. You got it, thanks for that Sara. Anyways you know my friend Mike Denby? Well he likes you and he wants to know if you like him too." At this point Mike starts making frantic gestures to abort, so i find my way off the phone. Then the yelling starts. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT!" "Uh..you asked me too!" It was a great moment in screw history. Let's look at some more.

Back in the later high school years, my friend Derek Mumford took a hankering to smoking weed. Hankering is actually a bad word, underplays the love affair that was born. Derek loved weed. But it wasn't enough to just love it, Derek who is a master of all things relationship wise went all out and started constructing elaborate vessels devoted to smoking his green sticky master. And that Comfortable Mumfordable man is no slouch when it comes to handywork. Some of these contraptions were brilliant. The gas mask bong which reduced me to rubble many times was incredible. There was the triple chambered bong which when filled with ice, was oh so smooth. And the list went on. So Andrew Wade decided one day that he would like one of Mumford's creations, and decided it would be pretty awesome to have a bong made out of a forty bottle, since that was pretty much all we drank at that time, just like our idols from such films as Boyz 'n the Hood, and that other movie that i can't remember what it's called. So Mumford did as we has asked. Purchased the items he'd need to make the bong, took an old forty bottle, and built Andrew his request. Charged him a fair price too. Andrew took one look, decided he didn't really like it after all, and said no thanks. Never paid him the money, and Mumford was stuck with the bong. Haha it still repeatedly comes up in conversations to this day. A fantastic screw by young Wade.

This next one goes out to our only friend who's a father, Alain Mercieca. Now probably right now those of you that read this are thinking this has to do with Alain ditching our crew of mediocre popularity, to hang with the top dogs in high school. Well no that's not it. We forgave him for that. Cause it's hard to hold a grudge against a guy with a kid. No this is something i can never forgive him for. In Grade 5 i had a pretty considerable crush on a girl named Trina. Now being one seriously shy motherfucker there was not a chance i was going to do anything about it. Sure i knew that while the rest of us were heading to E.J. James to continue our education in the public schooling system, she was going to St. Mildred's, an all girls private school. But that didn't change anything. My mouth was staying shut. At Linbrook our desks used to be grouped in 5 or 6's, and that would be your team, and you'd get "jetons" for doing well and shit. So she was in my group, and so was Alain. So it's nearing the end of the day and all of a sudden Alain blurts out.

-"Trina......Eric has something he needs to tell you...."

-"Uh.....no i don't...."

-"Yeah he does, he wants to tell you that he really likes you!"

-"No.....no i don't...."

And then i just sat there. My face burning red. Embarassed as all hell. She was embarassed too. I think she probably figured i was one of those genius kids who's pushed ahead 4 grades. How else would you explain the sweat pants with holes in the knees everyday. I mean most normal kids had discovered denim by that point. It was brutal. Alain....i know you thought you were helping me out.....but goddamn it man a little warning maybe!?

Another good screw, that still rages on in debate nowadays again comes from the early days, myself screwing over Julien Favre, we were probably around 10. We were at his house, probably playing "Jordan vs. Bird" or "Battletoads" or something like that. Anyways we went down the hall, and the song "Everything I Do" by Bryan Adams was playing in his sister's room on the radio. Anyways Julien informed me that, "i love this song!" and then started singing along to the chorus. Now there's nothing wrong with singing along to the chorus, i mean hell i loved that song too. But just the way he sang it, and the fact that Julien was not even remotely close to being a singalong to that kind of song guy......well i was kind of standing there next to him thinking, "Hmmmm........weird....." Anyways i told all the other guys about it the next day and we had a good chuckle. And then when it came up that day in front of Julien.....HE DENIED IT! That's right he claimed it never happened. And the best part....he still claims it to this day! Yes this battle has raged back and forth now for over 15 years. Did he or did he not sing it? Well i'll let you guys decide for yourselves. (He totally did!)

Screws can come in all shapes and sizes. There was the time i tried to lay a mild screw on Mumford by kicking one of his legs into the other from behind.....and it turned into a hot and spicy screw because he tripped and landed in a puddle. There's the unintentional screw....like the time Mumford passed some unneccessary information regarding me and a female onto one of her best friends....and i caught holy hell for it! There's the everyone can enjoy it except the screwed screw, which usually involves a shot to the nuts. And of course the consistent screw, which Pearson lays on me pretty much every single day by never once being on time when we meet up for lunch. Either way monday is a great day for talking about screws, so feel free to comment on a time where you screwed, or got screwed, and we'll all have a good laugh.