Hypocrimes

So what's the title of this new blog entry supposed to mean? Am i talking about molesting giant african animals? Well i could do a blog about that i suppose but i cherish my freedom and what happened in the past is no one's business but my own. No it's supposed to be a little combination of hypocrite, and Grimes. Doesn't really work that well to be honest but it's already there and i'm too lazy to change it.

So why am i calling myself a hypocrite you ask? I think because in a way all of us are and it's damn near impossible to avoid. I think every last person reading this can say that at one point in their lives they've made a bold claim that came back to haunt them down the road. I just happen to make dumber, bolder claims than most.

For example, for years i've sworn against two essential items that relate to bad weather. Number one is the umbrella, and Part B is the scarf. I always maintained that umbrellas and scarves were the tools of douchbaggery. Unneccessary items for those that thought they were too good for rain and cared far too much about neck temperature. But let's take a real good look at what i'm arguing against? Other people's choice to be dry and warm. That's an absolutely ridiculous argument to make wouldn't you say? Yeah maybe but you can shut your mouth you boa wearing moisture hating turdsack.

See what i mean. Ridiculous. And while i've maintained a firm stance against these items for years, my resistance is now starting to fade. If you had performed a bag search on me through the non winter months you would have found an umbrella. A rarely used umbrella, but an umberella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh, none the less. When it's spitting out you won't find me hidden underneath it, but in a monsoon i will admit i pop it like it's hot. And i will still continue to publicly berate anyone caught using an umbrella in the snow. As for scarves, well i still don't own one, and have never worn one when it's been my choice. (I'm sure my mom made me wear one when i was a kid and had a purple one piece snowsuit passed down from my female cousin) But i gotta admit they look sharp, clearly do a lot for warmth, and come in quite handy for us old men who now wear peacoats rather than snowboard jackets. That gap between the top button and the neck is significant.

So what's the point of all of this? I mean honestly why the hell am i writing a blog about the most retarded subject of all time? Well i don't have an answer for you, i think i just needed to ask for forgiveness from the masses, and to say yes i'm human, sometimes i make mistakes. But i mean other people do shit like that too. Let's look at Mike Denby, i mean he once said, "man i'll never ever wear a suit to work as long as i live!"....and.....well i guess he doesn't....and probably won't. But wait i got one also from Mike Denby, "man i'm never going to eat meat again, i'm a vegetarian!" And you know what dear reader! Well.....he's still a vegetarian i guess.....fuck. Ok wait i got one, he claimed he'd never get an STD! And man alive does he ever have a raging case of chl......nevermind.

Ok well that's it. This goes down as the single most retarded piece of literature ever churned out. No point to it whatsoever. Merry Christmas.

Love always, Optimus Grime